This is somewhat strange, I’m not used to taking holidays, and here I am pottering about the house trying to wrap up loose ends before I’m away for a week. The weather forecast seems to be good at least, so I’m mostly going to be travelling light – but on the other hand I am heading to the coast, so the evenings will be cooler – better pack a couple of hoodies for reserve I guess.
This is, I think, my first holiday in about eight or nine months, since I last headed north to see my parents. It is however the first holiday I’ve taken where the library has still been open (I last travelled during the Christmas break), and its felt a bit odd. I’m still not used to this mix I have where I’m working for a regular employer for about half my time, while still self employed as well.
As a result I’m finding myself stressing over making sure that I still cover my committments on the writing front while I’m on holiday. This, despite reassurance from my wife that it will be alright if I’m antisocial and typing away in the evenings on my laptop. After many years of regular gainful employment I’m still used, in the back of my mind, to this concept of stopping all work for a holiday. This then is the thing that no one tells you about being self employed – you are never really off duty. There’s always an ear out for the next bit of work and a worry about a deadline, even when you’ve arranged things to have a quiet day.
I think in part that comes from the stresses of being unemployed and the mark that’s left on me as an insecurity about money and where the next paycheck will come from. Perhaps then that is what I need to focus on during this holiday – recognising that there is a balance I can strike so that I can relax and let my blood pressure drop, without compromising on the commitments I’ve made.