I suddenly seem to be on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster right now, and on reflection it’s largely to do with the imminent restructure at the library. An awful lot of the stresses and insecurities from the last period of job upheaval have bubbled up to the surface, which is a pain, and it’s prompting all kinds of fears that I’m struggling to keep under control.
It’s a bit like a game of emotional whack-a-mole: Email received that’s a bit curt? WHACK. Someone suddenly less chatty via messaging? WHACK. Drunken customers preventing closing on time? WHACK. Poorly written restructure documentation? WHACK. Personal electronics misbehaving? WHACK.
Every little thing that normally isn’t an issue is suddenly prompting a catastrophising cascade of fear and panic and self-recrimination and so needs a hefty WHACK of reality check to put it to one side. Frankly, it’s exhausting.
It’s fair to say that it is making me a bit grumpy at the moment. I came a hair’s breath from cancelling last night’s game because I was feeling stressed from a crappy day and feeling I didn’t have enough material prepared.
I didn’t cancel, and we had a good session that has set up a good recurring villain that may become something of a thorn in the group’s side.
So, to anyone who knows me personally, in whatever capacity or emotional context, thank you for bearing with me. Please tell me if I’m being unreasonable, a pain, or taking something completely the wrong way (I will especially appreciate the latter)