Post Counselling Blues

Brain and emotions are a bit wobbly this evening, but that’s not unusual after a counselling session where we’ve been metaphorically digging in the cellar. I’m left with a general malaise that will no doubt settle with some sleep and thought, and probably some contemplation for good measure.

Part of that has been an examination of the supportive “parental” (as per transactional relationship theory) role I spend a lot of time in versus being adult or even child – and how worn and tired that’s leaving me. This led to a lot of thought around history and upbringing and general formative experiences – and thus my current tired and needing hugs and care state.

A lot to ponder

Low Dip Moment

I think it’s probably just a response to the healing my body is still doing, combined with a couple of days stomping around, but I’ve been absolutely drained today. I didn’t get out of bed until nearly twelve and then have mostly been making maps for dungeons and dragons, and watching videos while struggling to focus.

Reading it back, that sounds a pretty good day, but I’m still feeling lousy and have elements of “Well that was a wasted day” because my brain can’t turn down an opportunity to strap on thick boots and start kicking.

Never mind, I’m taking this all in to counselling shortly to pick it over. Think I just need the validation of some hugs – hugs solve many woes.

And Back To Work

We had a good catchup on Monday with the Charleesi and boyfriend – who have both been working over the Christmas period like us. It was an excuse to get presents to them and spend some time – and to give our newly donated slow cooker a first go. Fair to say that the melt-in-your-mouth meat alone was a treat, especially when mixed with spices and coconut milk for a slow-cooked beef curry experience. It was a good start to the week.

Then it’s been back to the grind – and a strange combination of a slow start that also brought some tough managerial decisions. As is always the way with these things, compromise and conversation in person rather than the sole medium of emails got results and kept storms in teacups where they belonged. It also brought some improvements for some of the people being supported so I’ll take the wins.

I dropped by an unofficial munch (if there’s such a thing) over in Farnborough last night following all that to catch up with people and met some interesting new faces, including a couple of fellow D&D people so a lot of geekiness and sharing of silliness from our respective tables happened. Got some good ideas, and think I introduced one person to at least three new authors they hadn’t encountered before. End of the evening I gave Lady T a lift home and then promptly got stuck after that driving behind someone who barely drove over twenty miles an hour for most of the distance between Staines and home. So, that was fun. At least the new car is a pleasure to drive so as the route didn’t really give me any great overtaking opportunities I settled into my heated seats and pootled along behind until they turned off and cleared the way.

My added bonus today is that, by and large, I haven’t had much discomfort from my ribs. There’s still some tenderness near the sternum, but I’ve been able to take deep breaths, cough, even laugh, and not had stabbing pains for my trouble. I think my body has gone into healing overdrive today though as I’m absolutely shattered and drowsy as I reach the end of the afternoon. I logged off from work, and made the mistake of closing my eyes for a few moments and promptly lost a few hours – so I’m going to take the hint and just be kind to myself for the evening

Breaking For Christmas

I’ve used the last of my leave to grab a few days either side of Christmas and Boxing Day, starting this evening. As Lady M is working we’re not going anywhere but I’ll be able to potter around and catch up with people – and most importantly to rest.

The discomfort from my ribs is quite substantial at the moment; and even with my generally ferocious recovery rates, I’m having to pace myself. A trip to tesco this evening has been very draining, in no small part because it’s reminded me that there’s a world of difference between the shallow breathing I can do at home versus the deeper breathing required to walk and talk and carry anything.

Rib fractures: they’re not just for Christmas.

I guess the fates found another way to keep me sleep-deprived now the vitamin supplements have been working. Oh well. At least I’ll be able to lie in or cat nap for a bit.

Dude, Where’s My Weekend?

Our DDC session lasted an epic six hours this afternoon and evening and has left everyone drained. Jubilant, but exhausted as they beat the bad guys. Next week will serve as an epilogue of sorts to this arc.

I’ll write up the session itself tomorrow once I’ve had a chance to sleep. My body is still in reset mode ahead of next week’s challenges so most of the weekend has been spent curled up on the sofa or in bed. I’m reminded that in part this is down to vitamin D deficiency.

To be honest, I am starting to feel a bit more comfortable. I’m still very drained, but the spinning headaches and bone aches have faded, and I don’t feel like I’ve fallen down the stairs so much – so progress.

Also, the new car is nice. Be even better when the chassis registration goes through so I can charge it..!

A Result At Last

So we’ve finally got to the bottom of why I’m so tired all the time – and as largely expected my most recent blood test shoes that I am severely deficient in Vitamin D and will shortly start taking huge doses over the rest of the winter – with the pronise of probably needing to do so next winter as well.

I have a colleague that has had pretty much the same treatment so I’ve spent some time today talking over it, comparing notes, and setting myself an alarm for the morning to go to the pharmacy to pick up yet more things to make me rattle when I walk

This minor inconvenience is far better than any of the more horrible things that it could have been, so I’m swallowing the mutters of “I told you so” because we’ve got here through science and methodical investigation. Even if there were some speed bumps along the way.

Jabbing and Poking

Health continues to be what it is, though work has continued to be both challenging and rewarding in equal measure. I’ve got another week or so before my leave is due so for the most part I’m trying to get the various plates spinning for while I’m away. I’ve got a couple of appointments due while I’m off, but in the meantime, I’ve had blood tests and my covid booster – leaving my left arm both prominently bruised in the crook of the elbow and sore in the shoulder.

This jab seems just to be replicating the effects of a heavy cold today – but that could be that everything else is masking stuff. I’m choosing to interpret that as nothing getting any worse. My flu jab is due in a couple of weeks, so at least any covid effects should have faded by then.

I wish I had more energy right now – I seem to have spent most of it on the drive to Portsmouth and back today to retrieve Lady J and bring them up to stay with the boy for the week – bursts of activity seem to be fine, it’s just extended activity that knocks me out. Oh well, it could be a lot worse.

On the gaming front I’ve been largely enjoying the anarchic Festival of the Lost in Destiny – which is their Halloween analogue event. Lots of decorations, tongue in cheek spookiness, and a great excuse to rollercoast through the various playlist activities while wearing silly masks. It’s been good for dipping in and out during the evenings since it started on Tuesday.

Tomorrow we have the DDC – hopefully the tech will behave better this week.

Exhausted. Again.

There’s definitely something not right, but we’ll have to wait for the routines of blood tests and investigations to work out what it is. All I known is that having woken at seven this morning, I’ve napped for a couple of hours and headed to the shops, and it feels like three in the morning with added gentle dizziness.

So, my plan is to plough on steadily, and hopefully its something that a course of B12 injections will sort out because this feels like the last time my body stopped making vitamin D.

The joys of diabetes, kids.

So, if I’m a bit short with anyone for a while, I apologise. In the meantime, work and two D&D groups, not to mention my wonderful partners and extended Entourage will keep me distracted and remembering to hydrate.

Speaking of D&D, and especially Eberron, I’ve been working up some Draconic Prophecy verses as colour for my groups – and will share them for any GMs who want to reuse them.

Good Start

So, I forgot yesterday that it was a Bank Holiday and that seems to be setting the tone for the week. Very little got done yesterday, but that’s fine.

This morning I woke up in excruciating pain and recognised it as a kidney stone. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised after the heat and direct sunlight of the weekend and drinking at a barbecue round the ex-Mrs M house along with the Charleesi.

So so much for getting anything done today. I’ve mostly been semi conscious under the influence of some very strong painkillers and a hot water bottle. Oh, and many pints of water to help flush it through.

I think the worst is past now, but I’m completely wiped out. I have at least been entertained by the flow of pictures from Pride on social media. There’s lots I remember, but so much more than I saw while we ran the stall. It was a fantastic day.

Approaching Pride

Even with having a part in preparations for work’s presence at Pride In Surrey this year I’m still feeling unready – but mostly because I’m not sure how I’m actually going to get there. There are train and bus disruptions so I suspect I may have to get a taxi, and this just considering me. Somehow we’ll get the whole Entourage there

In the meantime I have a stack of flags in my bag to use as table cloths on the day. So that’s useful. I need now to start thinking of what I’m going to wear on the day and use as props. To be fair if these are the biggest worried I need to deal with I’ll be fine.

Then next week starts my Leadership training, which I’ve gained access to with my Network Chair role as well as my managing and mentoring a group of managers in the day job. While I’m not expecting anything life changing, I am looking forward to it, and it is already opening doors.

Now, if the anxiety and depression could all nip off down the shops and not come back, that would be helpful.