It’s the end of my week, and I’m exhausted, but it’s more of an emotional exhaustion than anything particularly physical.
For the most part it’s concern for the people I manage at work and the unsettled period we’re in. Everyone is feeling under pressure, unsurprisingly, and I am trying to set boundaries so that I don’t burn myself out.
Don’t get me wrong, I am hugely enjoying the work and the challenges. I’m still trying to let go of the old one, and the urge to sort everything myself rather than letting my staff handle it.
Boundaries. They’re important. Damn hard work though.
Somewhat fittingly I’m currently quietly stressing about the assessment tomorrow afternoon for the First Aid for Mental Health certificate. I’ve every confidence in my ability as its basically what I regularly do for staff and customers every day – I just worry about acronyms and jargon.
I know it’s just my brain pulling its usually tricks, all will be well. Even if I don’t pass I’ll still be supporting people as ever.
Oh, and I applied for a thing speculatively in the restructure but I’m not expecting to hear anything on that front. Still a minor stress to throw into the mix but there you go.
Today was pretty intense with a concentrated combined learning approach to teaching mental health first aid. I should specify it was me getting trained rather than imparting my wisdom to the masses.
As a technical note, the course is the FAA Level 2 Award in First Aid for Mental Health and so there will be a formal assessment on Thursday before I can earn the qualification. Essentially the training is in how to be the initial response and advocate when mental health needs addressing – and formalises the sort of general pastoral support I do with staff and public as well as friends and family.
Most of it is common sense and appropriate signposting and de-escalation, but it’s still been heavy going with a lot of my own issues raked up in the process. Still, if it means I can help people it’s worth it.
As is traditional, a few days after exercise, muscles are complaining bitterly. Sadly that exercise was my being violently ill so the painful muscles are the ones connected to my ribs and diaphragm and it hurts when I laugh.
Those who know me, will appreciate how much this is an irritation. I like laughing.
And yes, that’s in no small part due to being very familiar with depression, which is always lurking in the background.
So, hopefully I’ll feel less tender in the morning and I can enjoy my day off.
Another day done, reasonably productively, so that’s good. I’d been concerned for a colleague who seemed to have slipped through the cracks in the vaccination program but was pleased to hear that they’d been successful in securing an appointment.
Perhaps unsurprisingly I seem to have gained a reputation, at least with my manager, for being able to help distressed colleagues. I’m more frequently being asked to check in on various people so I’m having to remember to maintain my boundaries and not carry things home.
Still, I’m doodling and plotting things for the next few games, so that’s a positive thing. Shenanigans are afoot.
Every now and then I’m called upon to be the fount of all knowledge, or at least the nodding insurance advert dog that people come to for permission to do what they’ve already decided to do – or for sounding board duties while they justify the decision their subconscious has already made.
Today has been that day. Thankfully I was only due to work a short shift as the hours were swapped with yesterday so that we could head off an issue with cover.
During the scant few hours, somehow every single conversation was about the same small pool of topics and individuals. I was therefore very relieved to get away for a coffee date after work with another colleague. An hour of gossip and putting the world to rights was just the right antidote to it all.
In other news, I’ve been confirmed as a Mental Health First Aider, and training booked in for early next month. Just in time for the big restructure. Just, generally, in time.
It’s been a very long day. Nothing horrible, and mostly very productive, just long. I was supervising some new staff so that took a more active management and training regime than usual, and then I had counselling this evening as well. That’s taken a lot out of me.
Nothing like a discussion of whether my supporting people is a way of pushing away help to get you double guessing yourself in knots.
It isn’t, for the record, but that’s the type of day its been. Tomorrow brings the next episode of the DDC, so hopefully see you there at 7.30pm London time. I might even have written a plot by then…
Been a lot brighter as the weekend has gone on, and thats been more than a little due to the anticipation of and running of tonight’s game, which just finished.
It was a battle-heavy game as the group tracked down the people and entities responsible for the recent carnage and kidnapping of their companion. I was concerned at one point that I might not have judged things well from a balance point of view, but a combination of luck (both good and bad), tactics, and planning saw it all work out, including Caeluma being the one to strike the fatal blow against the Bone Knight responsible for everything.
I’m all energised in a tired way from that, so with tomorrow being my last day on holiday I’ll spend some time working out the next chapter, and then preparing for a new week of strangeness.
Lady M is back to work tomorrow. I suspect there may be some swearing…
I’ve been rough today, but it’s only been a blip at its worst point. There was nothing in particular that sparked it; I think the stresses of the last few weeks and being a carer while Lady M recuperates just hit saturation point.
As a result instead of things sliding like water off a duck’s back, I sank for a while. Cuddles and reassurance from Lady M helped hugely. Then she put the xbox controller in my hand and told me to shoot things in Destiny for a few hours – and that helped too. I’m a simple soul sometimes.
Other people on social media and via messaging also helped lift my spirits, as did some TV shows, and some graphics stuff that has ended up in both the RedBubble store and on Amazon as well. Links are in the menu above for each.
I’m still feeling a bit grey and subdued, but it’s not as heavy, grey, and brain fogged so, yay?