Indoor Water Features

Well, I was hoping to have a bit of a chilled weekend, given we’ve managed to finalise when Lady M is getting her MRI scans done.

No, instead we’ve had steady drips of water descending from the extractor fan which has then expanded to come out of a light fitting in the hallway, so I’ve turned off the light fuses while we wait for a plumber and swap out buckets as they fill.

On the plus side, while moving books and damageable items out of the way, we have been able to rationalise some of our old notebooks, and tidy the contents of the bureau. That’s been quite nice, to go through old journals and line up all the ones I haven’t used yet.

So, how’s your weekend going?

And still we wait…

Something continues to be going very wrong in the arranging of MRIs for Lady M, which now leaves us in the position of feeling like Shrodinger’s patients twice over in terms of when a scan will take place and what is being scanned. If it wasn’t so serious, you could write a great farce out of it all.

As things stand I’m going to work tomorrow as usual and Lady M may or may not get an Uber to one of two hospitals for either one, two, or no scans. If that doesn’t happen then there may be an as yet to be determined number of MRIs on Monday.

No wonder we’re exhausted.

I’ll be working with the public as a rest from all this tomorrow. At least it will be a good distraction, whatever the day brings.

And Now We Wait

Lady M is in continuous pain, with limited pain relief because Ibuprofen triggers her asthma, and codeine triggers cluster headaches and thunderclap migraines. Paracetamol dulls her pain a little, but not nearly enough.

Fortunately her GP has now prescribed some good stuff that I’ll pick up in the morning.

Now all we can do is wait for the emergency MRI slot to become available. Lady M is at least able to sleep away from a ward – even if we have been advised to self isolate her just in case the MRI unit is having a picky day.

Meanwhile, the libraries are starting to reopen but I can really only spare cursory attention right now. My manager is being very supportive so I can focus on Lady M, and I am trying very hard not to feel guilty about doing so.

Are we worried? Yes, very, but we’re trying not to dwell on things until we know what we actually have to worry about.

What a year…

Sciatic Annoyance

I still have this trapped nerve in my left leg/buttock – though there is now a worrisome part of me that is considering whether it is actually diabetic nerve damage given the amount of pins and needles sensations in my left foot.

Everything is fine if I keep moving, but sitting down for any length of time then means that attempting to walk feels like my hamstring is tight and the core of my thigh aches when it isn’t dealing with hot and cold running stabbing pains.

Maybe this means its getting better? I can’t tell any more. I’ll give it a few more days before annoying a GP. I’ve still got good circulation and sensation in that foot, so its not like its going to fall off just yet.

Yes, it is making me grumpy.

Painful Monday

I have a suspicion that the trapped nerve that has been plaguing me is sticking around for the long haul. Keeping moving helps even if it does feel like someone is trying to drill new hip sockets through my left buttock.

Still, if that’s the worst that I have to contend with I shall continue to count myself lucky as it is nothing compared to the murder of George Floyd and the pain and heartache surrounding and arising out of it. I’m horrified by the stream of violent images, but also heartened by the positive instances of support and solidarity too.

I am white. I cannot pretend from my place of privilege, even as part of the LGBTQ+ community, to know the experiences of the black community. But I can raise my voice in support, I can listen and put myself in places to help. I can challenge languages and behaviours I encounter.

I am just so tired of this year.

The Smell of Diesel

I can tell more people are out and about again by the smell of diesel as I queue for the supermarket. Its surprisingly not from the carpark though – looking around me, that’s at about the same capacity and usage as it has tended to be over the last few weeks.

The carpark is, however, right next to the M3 motorway, and is closely boundaried by Staines Road West, which broadly runs between here, Staines, the Great West Road and the M25. In other words, a major multilane road. The traffic in both of those is noticeably heavier than it has been in months, and with it has returned the noise and fumes of diesel and petrol.

I’ve got used to not tasting the air when I head out, and now I’m feeling nauseous just standing still. I’m now wearing a face mask not as a Covid-19 precaution, but as an anti-pollution measure.

If I wasn’t already a miserable sod, this would be enough to make me one. Its amazing what we can get used to.

Exhausted

Not quite sure what happened to yesterday. There was sunshine, and reading on the balcony, but also bone deep weariness and flaking out on the bed for a good few hours.

Maybe its just lockdown getting to me, or residual anger burning out my reserves. Probably a combination of the two because I then couldn’t sleep for ages last night for wanting to angrily message people.

So, today is going to be more productive. I have character portraits to work on, so until my video conference later, thats what I’m going to get on with. Better to be doing something positive in all this.

Very rough first drafts

Grumpy

Just one of those days – its a bit quiet, emails were few and far between, work planned for tomorrow is tomorrow, and a minor storm in a teacup incident is eating away at me far out of proportion to what it actually is – especially as its something that is generally solving itself.

My jumping up and down therefore seems unhelpful, so I’ve been killing aliens on the XBox instead, using the new controller that Lady M bought me as a lockdown “just because” present.

A thing of beauty

Its made up in the red/purple/pinks of the bi flag, and has a lovely solidity to its grip and play. She had it custom made through the Microsoft website and it arrived this morning.

So thats a good thing.

I refuse to have a cold

I don’t have the time right now, I refuse to be ill. That should do it, right? I mean that’s what people keep telling us for mental health issues, so overpowering this persistent sinus pain and attempt at blocked nose can be sent packing with coffee and spite? Yes?

If a positive attitude was all it took to battle my own brain (do you see the conflict there?) Then surely stubbornness will work with merely physical complaints, it only makes sense.

Okay, I know I’m preaching to the choir here. Everyone I ever met has battled at some point so this is hardly esotoric territory or a sudden surprise and revelation. I’m just letting off some steam.

I’ve got three more days of work before I start my holiday. It’s all feeling a bit of a slog at the moment.

Chaotic Day

Well, that was a day. I think my body is trying to collapse into having a cold, with a sinus headache that’s lasted three days so far. So as you might expect I wasn’t full of the joys of spring this morning when I got into work and started to do the float and cash up.

Very quickly, from phonecalls and emails, my to do list grew rapidly – and then I had to stop and search in the safe for extra money put aside by a colleague earlier in the week as the till draw started to get full. There was no note left to let me know however, so that was a nervous five minutes working out how I could be significantly under on the expected total.

And then I got a call. Bear in mind we’ve only been open half an hour or so by this point. Could you come over to Chertsey to supervise the coder dojo? The person who was going to do so has gone sick. There’s a volunteer to run it but we need you there as someone sensible.

Well there’s a lot to unpack there. The last coding I ever did was visual basic as a database front end some fifteen or more years ago. It also meant that I wouldn’t be there to meet an artist and supervise him putting up an installation, or any number of staff support and management things rapidly pinging on my radar.

On the other hand, what’s the worst that could happen?

It went okay. I stayed hands off and interpreted a few things for the children if they didn’t quite follow the volunteer’s directions – and otherwise managed a number of issues by phone. The kids were happy, the staff were happy, and I discovered new bus routes I was previously unaware of.

I do enjoy a bit of chaos to shake things up, but today was a bit non stop. Let’s see where the pieces I had to drop today ended up…