Inktober Shenanigans

I seem to have been drafted into taking part in this year’s Inktober – a challenge to draw and post a picture every day.

But wait, I hear you say – only one picture? Who are you kidding? It’s getting to stop drawing that’s usually the challenge.

All true, which is why I sound a little bemused, because I usually throw away 80 percent of my doodles, or evolve them into ever-larger canvasses in sketch books so it’s harder to note what’s been done on any given day.

So what I’m trying to do is use the daily prompts to force me out of my comfort zone of drawing grotesques and snarling demons. I’m posting things mostly to my Instagram account, which advertises to Twitter as well, and thence to Facebook.

It’s an intriguing exercise, and one I’m glad I’ve taken on.

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Bi the Bi Positivity

A couple of weeks ago you might have noticed an uptick in bisexual awareness and visibility as we had a month of throwing off invisibility cloaks and generally politely reminding people that we exist.

If you didn’t that’s okay, we’re used to being erased and ignored in general conversation and pop culture from both sides of the Kinsey Scale. For my part I began a small experiment, and I have to say I’ve been pleasantly surprised so far.

I’ve only recently started adding pins to my work lanyard, just to brighten things up, so thought I’d take the plunge and add a bisexuality badge to the mix – just to see what the reaction would be. Yes, there was a degree of mischievousness to it, but it was more prompted by sights and sounds of others standing up.

There was, of course, no grand reaction and certainly no negativity from any of the staff or customers. If anything I had the opposite.

The amount of smiles and softened expressions on a daily basis, from people from all walks and gender identities has been truly heartening. It’s been a great boost at a time when I’m struggling with moods and anxieties.

I’ve had big burly angry customers chill out, stressed mothers and surly teenagers slow down and hear me out, and generally felt my workplace environment feel happier than I’ve noted in a while.

Now, I’m not naive enough to put this down to a button and other people’s attitudes to the exclusion of all else. As I’ve felt more relaxed and certain I’ve no doubt presented a calmer and more, dare I say managerial, face to the world. My physical presence is somewhat solid and liable to block out the sun too – which combines with a close shaved head and calloused knuckles to reportedly be quite intimidating on occasion.

Whether it’s the button helping to soften that image, my own changed demeanor, general amusement by onlookers, or some other combination, my experience of being Out at work has been more positive than I expected – and that’s worth celebrating even now Bisexuality Awareness Month is over.

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World Mental Health Day

It was World Mental Health Day yesterday and I didn’t mark it, appropriately enough, because my own mental health got in the way.

While some might question the need for a day to be set aside when we should be concerned with something that will affect everyone at some point in their life – directly or indirectly – the additional spotlight can do no harm in reducing the stigma and in raising awareness.

I don’t have the capacity at the moment to talk about where I am on my own meandering journey through clinical depression, PTSD, and of course that old friend anxiety. I do know that I would not be in the comparatively functional state that I am without the support and forebearance of family, friends, colleagues, and medical professionals over the years. They’ve all helped when the black dog has been barking loudly.

Wrapping up, and to illustrate how big the issue is, I was working somewhere recently and taking a break when the conversation turned to the various pills and potions we need to take. Every person in that room was taking antidepressants regularly.

It somehow made us all a little more relaxed to feel comfortable enough to share that in that moment. That’s why we need World Mental Health Day.

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A Moment

The whirr of coffee grinding, the hiss of steam. The clink of cups and saucers is a counterpoint to the bland music being played at hearing threshold, which itself just underlies the chatter of customers. It’s a strangely timeless moment that feels like it could stretch on and on in defiance of the world passing by outside the window.

I’m content, here and now, and that’s okay.

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Fun and Games

The return of the Charleesi had to include both a visit to The Plough and the playing of games, and it made for a lovely relaxing afternoon, evening, and night.

A few drinks in and food inside us, we started to play Rock Paper Wizard – which combines hand gestures and tactic voting with Dungeons & Dragons spells. The backstory is that the players are powerful wizards who have slain a dragon and now stand in front of its hoard – and who then turn on each other to grab the biggest share.

Each round lays out spells to choose and you decide who you will play it on. Each card will either move pieces nearer to or further away from the board, or redistribute the gold coins that each player amasses. At the end of each round, the nearest players to the coins grabs an amount each. When all the coins have been claimed, the person with the most in their hand wins.

It’s a lovely visual game and can be very gently paced, or fast and furious. It also attracted comment and interest from other people in the pub; and the laughter from our corner table soon filled the whole bar.

Our second game, back from the bar, was Temp Worker Assassins – a deck building and piece placing game where you try to assassinate various supernatural corporate beings through the work week. Well-fuelled with alcohol, we played and laughed, and quibbled over rule interpretation – we will definitely be making it a regular centrepiece of evenings I think.

We got home late, but so worth it – Lady M hates being sociable, but she’ll always make an exception for games with the Charleesi.

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Aches and Pains

My back is playing up a bit at the moment – which may or may not be related to stress levels but in either case is irritating and hopefully will be short-lived.

To distract me then I’ve been playing around a bit with video capture on the XBox and how to transfer material to other platforms so I can display them elsewhere. I’ve started with Overwatch clips, purely because the game captures a highlight in any given game so I don’t have to focus on the creative side first while I get used to the interfaces.

Why am I doing it? Just because I haven’t done it before, that’s all. It’s not like I have any kind of game plan here 😉

In other news I heard from someone who recently left the libraries to work elsewhere that certain people we both worked with had always spoken of me in positive terms, which was an unexpected and pleasant boost to morale.

So while I ache slightly, I’ve been helping Lady M with her costume making for Comiccon – largely by holding material and hoops while she pins them, and in cutting out hearts and shields for her to applique to the dress she’s currently slaving over.

In addition, this afternoon I shall be seeing The Charleesi, who has come home for the weekend – so time to see how the newly-minted student is coming along

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Seven Years Gone

Someone asked me how I first started this blog: with an introduction to myself, or just launching into it. I couldn’t remember so I’ve just spent about five minutes scrolling back in the app on my phone to have a look.

It turns out that on the 23rd September 2010, the first post on this blog was:

*dips toe into the blogosphere and nods when nothing immediately falls off*

So there we go, seven years of my waffling into the darkness here. Doesn’t time fly?

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