I have so many things I want to do, and feel inspired to do, and yet amid the day to day requirements of work and keeping the home I’m unable to complete many of them.
It’s not so unusual, even with my grasshopper mind. I currently have two stories that I’m transcribing, as well as a third that I’m editing in the hope of it being the opener for a series of short stories via Kindle and the like. I also have tee-shirt designs to tidy, some graphics for a friend’s Twitch channel, a number of half-done sketches, and of course there’s posting here on a semi-regular basis and the D&D sessions on Sunday evenings.
That’s not even counting paid work at the library, regular counselling, games, reading, the washing up, hoovering, and other minutiae of daily living.
No wonder I feel exhausted, and why I struggle with feeling guilty when I do none of the creative things when I get home or, like this morning, have a few spare hours.
I know plenty of people who will say that I shouldn’t feel guilty, and one or two who would say that guilt is just a mask for anger. I know that in an ideal world I would apply myself to one thing, and then another thing, and then another thing in turn – but my brain and heart aren’t cooperating. I’m like the dog in Up who is constantly shouting Squirrel!
Well, that was a day. I think my body is trying to collapse into having a cold, with a sinus headache that’s lasted three days so far. So as you might expect I wasn’t full of the joys of spring this morning when I got into work and started to do the float and cash up.
Very quickly, from phonecalls and emails, my to do list grew rapidly – and then I had to stop and search in the safe for extra money put aside by a colleague earlier in the week as the till draw started to get full. There was no note left to let me know however, so that was a nervous five minutes working out how I could be significantly under on the expected total.
And then I got a call. Bear in mind we’ve only been open half an hour or so by this point. Could you come over to Chertsey to supervise the coder dojo? The person who was going to do so has gone sick. There’s a volunteer to run it but we need you there as someone sensible.
Well there’s a lot to unpack there. The last coding I ever did was visual basic as a database front end some fifteen or more years ago. It also meant that I wouldn’t be there to meet an artist and supervise him putting up an installation, or any number of staff support and management things rapidly pinging on my radar.
On the other hand, what’s the worst that could happen?
It went okay. I stayed hands off and interpreted a few things for the children if they didn’t quite follow the volunteer’s directions – and otherwise managed a number of issues by phone. The kids were happy, the staff were happy, and I discovered new bus routes I was previously unaware of.
I do enjoy a bit of chaos to shake things up, but today was a bit non stop. Let’s see where the pieces I had to drop today ended up…
I don’t think I’ve ever worked in a building that I’ve wished would collapse before I arrived at before. Perhaps I’ve led a sheltered life. Today’s work location continues to amuse and appall in equal amounts as more and more buckets are required to catch the water.
If the ceiling wasn’t largely made of thick concrete slabs, I’d be expecting to be able to star watch at night soon, but no instead we are almost lulled into meditative trances by the impromptu indoor water features dripping into and out of time with each other.
Add in to the mix a fairly important computer giving up the ghost and therefore knocking out the public’s ability to log on to our public terminals, and emergency staffing called in to cover for family emergencies and you can imagine my bouquet of delights today.
Oh I was also having a performance conversation with a team member, and doing a health and safety induction with a volunteer, while also supervising surveyors, workmen, and a legionnaire’s inspection among all this as well.
I did manage to get a couple of cuppas though, and I’m now off for a couple of days, so there’s plenty of time for the place to collapse while I’m away.
I do like to keep a positive attitude about these things.
I shouldn’t have been working today, but life and the trials and tribulations of staffing issues demanded otherwise. This has led to a somewhat rushed day of bouncing from GP appointment to library opening to lunch cover to blood tests to prescription gathering… and now to my first coffee of the day. Phew.
I’m exhausted. I’m supposed to be going out tonight. I’m working tomorrow. Who has time to entertain depression and anxiety? I’m too busy for the black dog today!
Oh but it is nice to just sit in a comfy chair with a good coffee, that most importantly was made by someone else!
With the end of October has come a quiet Halloween spent bemusing the staff at Tesco with my skull-topped cane
while shopping for snacks, an extended visit from my daughter, the beginning of Nanowrimo, the new James Bond film, T’other half’s birthday and fireworks at Kempton Park this evening, all while creating kids activity sheets for the library.
Whatever you’re up to this Bonfire Weekend, have a good one and see you on the other side…