I suppose we’ve all done it at some point: laid alongside a partner at night, not yet sleepy while they’re dead to the world, and looked at them to just feel a sense of amazement and happiness that they’re there.
I know I have, at least, with each partner at some point – and I think it is equal parts joy, comfort, and sheer disbelief on each occasion – the latter stemming from my own insecurities. And that’s how I know that these moments are universal.
There’s a sermon my father often gives at weddings where he talks about how each of us looks at our partners and thinks they see the worst parts that we know about ourselves in our halves, which is part of why we feel so lucky when someone wants to spend their time with us.
It rings true with everyone there, I’ve seen people of all ages nodding along as he tells us to hold on to that wonder and awe about our partners. And by extension it’s how I know that as much as I can’t believe that I’m lucky enough to fall asleep with Lady M, that when she says the same that it is also true, and coming from the same place.
It is something I treasure, and feel renewed by every time I notice it.
It’s surprisingly hard to say that out loud, let alone in public. I think it’s in part due to my own battles that have led to a distinct appreciation that happiness is temporary, and has to be worked at to be retained or recovered.
As such I almost become suspicious of myself whenever I recognise happiness, because I half expected it to evaporate immediately either through the vagaries of the way the world throws curve balls or from my own brain having a meltdown.
This latter, fortunately, is happening less and less, at least on any level that is appreciable by most, and to a significant degree that’s down to hard work and bloody mindedness to not let depression derail my coping mechanisms, checks and balances.
Another significant element is the support and love I receive from my partners – particularly relevant as we approach Valentine’s Day – who continue to inspire and uplift as we bumble through life. I have no hesitation in saying that the parts they play in my life both contribute to my state of happiness and give me a gentle kick in the pants when that happiness is a little more elusive.
I just wanted to acknowledge that really. I’ll let you get back to things now