I’m trying not to climb the walls, mostly because I don’t have any energy and my eyes are hurting all the time. Last night sleep was broken so that hasn’t helped the lethargy today either.
For the most part I’ve been reading and trying to write and draw, but my heart hasn’t been in it. Instead I’ve been drawing together a wide selection of fellow geeks and oddballs so we can support each other online. A discord server is up and running, and we’re planning an online game of Cards Against Humanity for this evening. Even if that doesn’t go to plan, we now have a lively chat group all reaching out and supporting each other.
Good deed for the day, I feel. I’m currently deciding how apocalyptic I want to start dressing. It’s a bit damp and wet out there for full Mad Max-style leather and studs, but I’m thinking something a bit steampunk and dramatic.
Well this morning started with a slight breathlessness and tickle in the chest and a bit of a dry cough – and the news that both Lady M and myr s aren’t feeling great either, so we’ve gone into isolation.
Lady M can work from home, and while my job is mostly public facing I can at least access email remotely to keep in touch. I had a long conversation with my boss and a co-manager to arrange immediate issues and then stayed in and posted a note to our local FB group for the estate. It’s lovely to be able to report that the messages of support have been heartening.
The hope, obviously, is that these are just colds, or if we do have covid that it’s mild enough that we can just get through and back to to normality – whatever that is. The local shops have imposed rationing in the face of widespread panic-buying so I guess we’ll see how we go.
Between my diabetes and Lady M’s asthma we’ve been mentally prepared to lock down but there is still a sense of things being out of joint. In the other household, myr s is concerned about their father and brother – both of whom have health issues – as well as the cub. Fortunately Lady J is in robust health, but has concerns for her mother who lives locally.
I’ve just woken from sleeping a while this afternoon. Lady M is asleep on the sofa as I write. We’re both trying to vary our days and activities so we limit how much walk climbing we do. I plan to adopt some of my freelancer days routines to break the day up in the process.
Fortunately I largely live as a hermit anyway so the mental shift isn’t too great. I’m mostly just struggling with a sense of guilt that I’m not out there working and helping people, even though I know that this is the sensible thing to do that minimises hurting anyone else.
Oh well. I now have no excuse for not writing something every day at least.
A colleague told me I was looking weighed down on Friday – and I blamed it on work stress, tiredness, and all the usual good stuff that goes with managing a frontline role with the public. I didn’t mention the aching bones, faint sickness, or headache as that just feels like my normal background state.
And now, over the weekend, it has developed into… well lurgied is the best description. There’s no classic sniffling or running nose, but my heart is thrumming in my chest, my eyes feel hollowed out and heavy, every major joint in my body aches, I’m exhausted, I have a constant low headache, and my stomach feels borderline nauseous and knotted.
Thank you Lady M for passing this over, it’s such a thoughtful gift. Here’s hoping it passes quickly. I’m off for an early night. See you on the other side
Well, I say that but its actually been really busy. In addition to general post-MCM blues and tiredness I had a job interview for an acting up role (unsuccessful) and have spent a lot of time ferrying Lady M between walk-in centre, GP, and hospital appointments.
In addition to ongoing problems with her knees, we’ve also discovered that she is currently suffering from shingles. As a result there was a flurry of messaging and calling people we’d met recently to warn them – especially checking they’d already had chickenpox .
Rather than struggle against the head cold that I’ve picked up from Lady S this weekend, I’ve been kind to myself and taken a couple of days off to rest up. Plenty of fluids, rest in bed and on the sofa, and hot toddies with whisky to sterilise the soreness at the back of my throat – and so far so good, I think I’m ready to go back to work in the morning.
Its now the final run up to Christmas – we’ve done all the shopping we can bear, and half buried our tree under presents for people. Now begins the dance of trying to get them all to the right people. I’ve mailed off a box of things to one couple; and we’ve arranged for the ex-Lady M and the Charleesi to come round on Boxing Day. We’ll be seeing some friends this weekend, and have arranged to visit Lady S and her family shortly before Christmas for a meal and day of silliness. My parents are visiting shortly before Christmas, so we’ll prevail on them to pass things on to siblings on their travels – and anyone else we’ll target after New Year I suspect.
To absolutely cap the day, we had a couple of Christmas cards arrive in the post. One of them was from Lord and Lady P and has the distinction of being the first card addressed to the whole triad. Lady S nearly fell out of her seat apparently when I sent her a photo of it and the message inside. It really is the little things that make all the difference.
It’s our first Christmas as a polycule, and very nearly our first anniversary together – and that’s a wonderful realisation to have – despite ups and downs, and the occasional frazzled nerve over distances, we’ve made a good start; and that’s really helping to keep the black dog at bay.
It’s late and I have to be up to open up a library in the morning so I’ll keep this reasonably brief as an update. Life has continued to be pretty full-on recently (oh who am I kidding, it’s not been a year for giving us much of a chance to get a breather), and I’ve really been struggling to find the inspiration to write. That includes this blog, and pretty much any of my other projects. I wish I could say it was as simple as just being writer’s block.
Without going into too many details, Lady M has finally got an answer to a number of health concerns that have been niggling away at her. While it’s not anything with a fatal outcome, she does have a debilitating chronic condition that she will have to manage for the foreseeable future. As a result I’ve been worried for her and trying to support her as best I can. The writing has taken a back seat to that the last couple of weeks.
There are all sorts of fears and worries that I hold on to right now. The best adjustments that I’m trying to do are those that allow me to balance being there for her while also making sure that I’m able to function too.
So bear with me if I’m a bit flaky or selfish from time to time at the moment. It’s me trying to do the self-care thing, and I’ve never been too hot at that.
Oh dear, I’ve given my cold to both Lady M and Lady P this week, so you can imagine how popular I am right now. The snark, between sneezes, coughs, and blown noses, has been pointed, though there have also been rueful smiles so I suspect I may be permitted to live. At least the worst of it seems to come and go quite quickly, leaving little more than the usual season sniffle on the long tail-off. At least, it does for those of us not suffering from asthma, like Lady M. I’ll just be in the dog house over here if anyone needs me.
In other news, the Monday game nights are back up and running. For those who don’t know, we play D&D online using Roll20 and Google Hangouts, so at least I can’t infect any of my players with the plague through our screens. This is probably just as well given how many of them LARP, and therefore have access to padded but still solid weapons with which to beat me. The game write-ups will return, as soon as I can get my brain in gear – assuming I don’t sneeze it out first.
The last forty eight hours have been a gloriously chaotic experience that has seen me cruising motorways to the sound of Orbital; sitting in a Children’s Library voting on the 2016 Carnegie and Greenaway Awards; and arguing politely with doctors in the local A&E department. That doesn’t even include networking with librarians, breakfast conversations with my best friend’s daughter, career advice from an author, or patching up aching hearts.
I’d travelled down to the outskirts of Brighton on Sunday night so I could be relatively fresh for a CILIP event in the Jubilee Library. Librarians and Library Staff (yes, there’s a difference) from the South East of England were meeting to discuss and vote together the candidates for next year’s Carnegie and Greenaway Awards, epitomising the best in children’s fiction and illustration. Whichever way you cut it, this is a big deal, and very cool. I am very proud of having been able to take part in this process.
It was a good distraction from quite a severe mood dip that was partly fuelled by Lady M being unwell. When I got home and found she had spent a good portion of the day in the local A&E and was still in distress, the worry came flooding straight back. They’d discharged her without being sure what was causing her constant pain and things were not getting better. I knew I wouldn’t be able to rest, despite her saying she would have to see the GP in the morning, so I took her back.
We spent seven hours in A&E (that’s the ER for my US readers), and got home at about half five this morning. Lady M is recovering, so there’s a positive result, and we’ve been sleeping most of today to make up the sleep debt. We also had a visitation from Lady P, whose own illness has led her to do some dumb things recently. A quiet evening of tears, Netflix, and a hastily cooked meal followed.
And so, back to bed, and the hope that some relative normality will soon return. Well, normal for us anyway…