partners

Sleepiness and Suits

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I’ve taken some more time off work this week as a couple of celebrations bookend it and frankly I could do with a rest. So yesterday I herded both Lady M and boy s into the car to wander into Kingston – as you do. This was partly just to get out of the house and distract them as they were having low days – but also to do some clothes shopping.

Lady M doesn’t often spend money on herself, so putting her in the vicinity of clothing shops can sometimes take a bit of a run up. At the same time, we have an event at the end of March to go to, and it occurred to me that one of the rites of passage that boy s has never had until now was that of getting measured for his first suit.

I had threatened to take him to the tailors that I got my wedding suit made at, but a more low-key approach felt kinder. Both Lady M and boy s can get overwhelmed with lots of people around, so I was mindful to suggest going to Marks and Spencer, knowing their men’s section tends to be a bit quieter. We ambled around and looked at some styles and colours of things for him to take to the changing rooms – and then while he was trying a few things on, I had a chat with the attendant.

I explained that he had never had a fitting or indeed a suit, and so I thought actually knowing his measurements would help immensely. Indeed, it would not only inform getting formal clothing but would also be something to bear in mind when buying clothing from here on out. It would take the guesswork out of things as he got used to creating his own wardrobe.

Like me, boy s is not exactly the smallest person in the room, so there was a fair chance there wouldn’t be anything in store that would quite fit – but that’s only because they keep a limited size range in the actual store. The full ranges are available online – and so this was very much in mind.

So, having done that, and with Lady M’s eye firmly on items for herself too we retired to our new favourite coffee shop where I introduced boy s to what he has described as the best hot chocolate he has ever had.

And with that, collective spoons were depleted, so we went to retrieve the cub from school – and we all seem to have spent most of today cat napping…

Its obviously needed

So This Week…

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I had a call yesterday to come pick boy s up from work. A little matter of his not being able to breathe. So off we went to the hospital where I was able to park near enough to the A&E to not kill him with the walk to the doors, and he was duly whisked away.

Due to Covid I couldn’t accompany him, so I went back to work to focus best I could, and as the evening approached with no news began to ring to try and find out if there was any news – if only so I could update everyone and reassure the cub.

As it turned out, it appears to be late onset asthma, so they were able to stabilise him and after checking everything else they could, he was released back into the wild with an inhaler and instructions to talk to his GP

The cub responded by being as publicly bolshy and snarky as he could be, even while admitting privately to Lady M how worried he was – so that’s all normal.

Now we try to get back to some semblance of normality. Honest.

Weekend Gathering

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I’m currently stretched out in bed after a rollercoaster of emotions but all in good company. Lady M and boy s both had trainer appointments at the gym so it was a good excuse to make a day of it. I’ve been using gym visits this week to help get through muscular and joint pain I’ve had since having covid last week, so I also had a plan of attack. The cub wanted to swim.

With all the stress of this week, my mental reserves have been slender today, especially with the residual pains. It’s days like this where my partners rally round in support. Hugs and simple gestures, quiet moments and silliness all helped as we came and went from the table we were using as a base.

The space and quiet have been needed. This has not been a good week. This evening feels a bit brighter.

All Down The Gym

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According to various lateral flow tests we’re now in the clear, though aches and pains and lingering symptoms are still making it very clear that we’re not as well as we might like. What we did do last night though was go in support of boy s to his induction at the gym and take the cub swimming.

Well, by that I mean introduced him to the changing rooms and then sat and watched because I’ve tweaked my back and am currently hobbling round with the aid of a cane, but I’m pleased to say that both the cub and boy s enjoyed themselves immensely, while Lady M and I were walking wounded and looked after bags and food.

We hadn’t intended to be there that long, but suddenly it was nearly nine in the evening and I’d missed my counselling session (for which I’ve made copious apologies and set a very loud alarm on my phone for next time)

The cub went from being very reluctant to be away from his computer to being very engrossed in swimming and then the treadmills and cycling machines in the gym (never underestimate the power of animations and YouTube on gym equipment) while boy s is now seeing the draw of studying in the quiet area and taking a break in the gym while working on his degree.

So it looks like we have an addition to our social activities and general health to look forward to. Here’s to my back muscles relaxing soon.

First Munch of the Year

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Munches are informal social gatherings held by the kink/alternative/poly/ethical non monogamy communities to just… chill and hangout and are a good way to put faces to names and see what people are like in general.

During covid we’ve kept to ourselves, and with boy s moving up to us we’ve had less contact with people in those scenes over the last couple of years. With things becoming more stable though, people are starting to cautiously make noises about starting them up again in our local area, so I decided to go introduce myself and catch up with some of the people I’ve been talking to online for a while.

And so to a pub garden, where we sat and ate and chatted until it was time to close up. And that’s what a munch is. The only real difference is that there’s less small talk and more deep discussion and geekery – favoured topics were comicbooks, authors, TV shows, boardgames, warhammer, oh and how useful a softly commanding voice can be while managing staff sometimes 😉

The boy s wasn’t feeling up to it, so I dropped Lady M over for a sleepover and went on my own, so that I can at least make introductions at the next one, in much the same way that boy s did for me when we first got together. Seems only fair to be able to return the favour.

One of the people I was talking to actually lives quite close, so I gave them a lift as they were on the way and that was another nice round of chat to make the journey go smoother. So all in all, a good start back, and I’ll see about the next one.

Christmas and Beyond

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As someone recently noted on social media, I live a strange life, and I embrace that and aim to keep it that way so it doesn’t lapse into being boring and dull. I am proud to include a diverse and vibrant bunch of people in my life and celebrate their individual journeys as well as our commonalities.

This Christmas has allowed us to reconnect and bond with friends, partners, family, and those who might wander between. I caught back up with my brothers, and the Charleesi, with friends who have built their own forge, my parents, my partners, and a variety of children attached to various of the above.

So the plan today has been to sit quietly with Lady M, give our presents to each other, watch TV, play games, and not stray too far from the sofa.

It’s not the family gathering we had planned, but it’s a good substitute and rest ahead of the excitement and busy weeks ahead.

A Very Polycule Christmas

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I forgot to mention last night that boy s and Lady M ended the evening working out between themselves where I would be living for the next few days. They did so by debating among themselves who had the most energy vs the most things to do this week – in other words who had the capacity to put up with me for a few days. It was prompted by boy s feeling a bit down at the end of the game last night as we all packed up to go home. The prospect of going from a house full of people and laughter to it just being him and the cub was just making him a bit low, so Lady M volunteered me. I didn’t get any consultation on this, which I have not failed to rib the pair of them about all day.

My original plan had been to just have a quiet day playing on the XBox, but such was not to be – Lady M had her booster shot due in Kingston so I got dragooned into driving her to that but took advantage of it to sort out some boxes and envelopes for boy s for some items he needed to post so I could at least be useful in the process. Then I gathered an overnight bag, my laptop, a couple of journals and some pens and wandered over to the new flat while Lady M got back to work. I may be on holiday, but Lady M isn’t for a few more days – but that’s largely because I haven’t taken much time this year while she used her leave to recover from some things a few months back. So I’ve left her to it while she sorts things out ahead of her break – much as she let me get on with things to clear the decks for my work last week.

I think I’m just going to chalk this up to “unexpected things that are part of being polyamorous” – where teasing and silliness meet care and compersion, and the quieter partners sometimes bargain amongst themselves as to where the token extraverted person goes next so that they don’t feel overloaded. Its a thing I’ve seen in joking posts on social media before now but never encountered before this weekend. As our flats are about five minutes drive away from each other it isn’t really a huge issue – I’ve already made plans to wander back tomorrow to annoy Lady M and retrieve more of boy s’ laundry as I carry on finding more odds and ends he’s left behind in his moves. Well, that and annoy people by playing Christmas songs on Spotify because I seem to be the only person in the polycule particularly fussed about it this year. There are probably worse roles to have in life.

I think in part its down to having to cancel our plans to visit my parents so we’re having to stock our households up with food and drink, having run down the larders in anticipation of being away for a week or so. Still, better safe than sorry with omicron careening around our communities. I’m taking boy s to get his booster in a couple of days and that catches him up with pretty much everyone else at that point so that’ll be something to celebrate.

I still have difficulty as seeing myself as the extraverted person, but multiple Myers-Briggs tests over the years can’t be wrong – to be fair I do tend to recharge being around people along with being comfortable being alone so I think I’m a borderline case – which no doubt explains how I have no problem standing up in training courses and holding the floor. So that now leaves me sitting on the sofa playing Boney M songs while boy s triumphantly reclaims the cardigan I’ve been wearing today and curls up with a cider and his laptop. Welcome to Christmas

Building Day

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I got called this afternoon by boy s who was in a bit of a panic. We’d ordered a bunk bed so that the cub could host sleepovers in the new flat, and this weekend sees a visitation from the niece and nephew. The problem? The bed wasn’t assembled on arrival,  and so I was needed as an experienced furniture constructor.

Or, as boy s put it: I need a manlier man to adult.

So I learned a new set of construction skills reading the instructions and balancing items so I could create the frame while boy s retrieved the cub from school.

Old dog learns new tricks? More like old dog applies old tricks in new ways. It’s a nice bunkbed. Now to assemble the new super king-size back home

And They’re Off

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A whirlwind day for many reasons today, not least because boy s finally got his hands on the keys to his new flat and we’ve spent most of the evening loading up a hired van with his possessions and a few pieces of furniture to take down the road. Even the cub got involved with carting bags down the stairs, eschewing his normal whinges about child labour while still doing his best to pretend to be too cool for all this really.

There are only three seats in a van, so I volunteered to travel in the back, standing and pretending I was riding a bus in the dark. It made for an interesting mental exercise to match the vehicle movements and road rise and fall to my recollections of the surrounding area. Braced carefully near the sliding door, it was almost restful, especially on the eyes after a long day of meetings and difficulties. I felt quite proud to be able to match what I could detect to my mental map as we got there – a sense of achievement in this self-set test.

And then we unloaded everything and left the boys to unpack and nest for their first evening in their new home – and home to a suddenly quiet and empty-feeling flat and a new set of very mixed emotions. After what had been a turbulent day for various reasons, it was enough to get the tears flowing a bit. I know they’re literally ten minutes down the road, but it is still a wrench.

And so there will be more transporting of goods and furniture tomorrow, to get things like computers and desks and a table and chair or two over there too – including the rest of our bed as we’ve donated that to him to make way for a kingsized replacement.

I’m just worn out.

Tidying Day

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We’re getting ready for boy s and the cub to move out, and so today we’ve been having a bit more of a tidy and gather of their things into readily shiftable containers. It was always going to be a short-term living arrangement while he looked for somewhere to start fresh but there is an element of sadness to it. Admittedly there’s also a sense of relief that we won’t be four people crammed into a two bedroom flat and that he will have space of his own, but even so – all a bit mixed.

Still its been good to have a day where we all got round to sorting out bits and pieces – I’ve even started to grab the various Christmas-themed Funkos to make a display, because it’s that time of year. I’m saying that quietly as there’s a birthday needs to be sorted before we go into full Festive mode. I even have a multipack of DC characters that I picked up from Tesco the other day ready to take their place once I’ve cleared some shelf space.

Next week is largely going to be a mixture of another round of interviews, an appointment with a specialist to finally investigate my stomach issues – oh and assuming the references all come through in reasonable time we’ll of course be helping boy s and the cub do the whole relocation thing. It’s only going to be about ten minutes drive away, but that’s enough to give them their space. I do feel a little for the cub though – he honestly thought that because he is due to move he wouldn’t have to go to school any more. It had to be broken to him by boy s that buses exist..

The look on his face was one of shock, horror, and disbelief that the universe could be so cruel – he had no problem with us being so, but that society would continue to insist that he go to school was just too much. There may have been pouting. By him, I hasten to add. I know boy s has his moments, but this was sheer outrage on the cub’s part and I have no shame in finding that deeply funny – admittedly for all the wrong reasons.